Renovating sucks

We are renovating our house right now. Hell, we’ve been renovating it for years. But in August we really got working on the kitchen. Kyle is building our kitchen, so in August he had some time off, & we cut all the pieces to make the cupboards. Then we ripped out half the kitchen and installed new cabinets.

Then life got busy, Kyle got a job for his company, and the kitchen remained less than half done.

Last weekend Kyle started it back up. We now have a countertop on the part we’ve already installed. Kyle ended up having this past week off & he took out the working half of the kitchen.

Which is where we are now. The new plug for the stove is in, so the stove has power again. You know, even if it is sitting in the middle of the kitchen. I have no idea when we will be getting cabinets back in because apparently we have to do a bunch of rewiring. Which all seems to be stuff my husband was aware of, but failed to mention to me before he got rid of the only currently workable areas in the kitchen (we need to seal the new countertop before we can really use it. & before we can hook up the faucet in the new sink).

I’m about ready to be done with this renovation & the sad thing is that it’s just barely started. Sigh.

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i’m not wonder woman (and i don’t want to be)

i’ve been on holidays for the past two weeks, and while there have been some ups and downs, overall, i’ve really enjoyed the time off. and i think today i finally realized exactly why: i’ve actually taken time off.

usually when i have time off i have a list of things in my head that i would like to accomplish. and a lot of times those things just don’t happen (other things come up or i just don’t feel like doing them), and so i feel guilty, or worthless, or frustrated. this time i didn’t really have anything in mind. maybe it was because we were going to work on the kitchen? i knew kyle would have things planned, so i didn’t worry. i’m not sure if that was it or not. but i didn’t make all these unrealistic goals for myself. we haven’t really worked on the kitchen (aside from some shopping/planning), and that’s been okay with me. i don’t feel like we have failed by not using the time off to work on the kitchen. instead, we’ve just been spending time as a family, playing that evil skylanders game (i say it’s evil because of all the extra guys you need to buy), and just relaxing.

i know i’ve got a ton of stuff i could be doing, but i’m trying not to think about all that. i’m trying to take things one at a time, focusing on small bits rather than getting overwhelmed by everything. it is 9:00 am and i’ve completed my to-do list for the day because i didn’t put a ton of stuff on it. i put small stuff that needed to get done today (like cleaning the microwave, which was quick despite how dirty it was, because vinegar is awesome). i know the bigger stuff will need to get done (like the accounting for the company), and i’ll get to it.

but i also realize that i need to start asking for help. i try to do everything, and i just can’t. and i can’t expect myself to, because i will just feel guilty and frustrated when i fail. i’m not wonder woman, and i shouldn’t have to be. i think once i get my head around that, everything else will follow.

Coffee? Tea? Monster?

I have been wanting to write a post here for a while, but I never know what to say. So I have said nothing. I’m not even sure I will finish this. I’m writing this on my phone with a band-aid on my left thumb (it has perry the platypus and dr doofenshmirtz on it, in case you were curious), so be forewarned of words that may be completely wrong.

I have been reading a lot of books. I have been drinking a lot of coffee. The husband and I have been dieting and I have lost 20 pounds (he has lost 30). I occasionally convince myself I am over things that have happened recently, and then something happens to make me sad again. And I start stressing about it again. So I just read another book. And drink more coffee.

It’s really too hard to write a blog post on a phone. My forearms are cramping. I think it’s time for some coffee. And bacon. Yum.

Davy jones had it all figured out. Keep your heart locked in a chest. It’s safer that way.

I don’t know if I was always like this, but over the last 10 years for sure, I have been quite guarded with who I let close to me. I get along with a lot of people, but I tend to keep them at more of a surface level of companionship. I’ve had a lot of people I’ve worked with that I have gotten along with, but I’ve never really tried for any deeper of a friendship.

People talk of a fear of commitment when it comes to romantic relationships, but i wonder if I have the same fear when it comes to friendships. Although, not really when it comes to the commitment part. I want a friendship like you see on tv. But I am too scared of committing to anyone because I have been hurt in the past. So many of my past friendships have ended (some badly) that I just don’t want to invest my time and energy just to be hurt again.

There was one friendship that I ended for about 5 years. It was hard planning my wedding without the person I had always planned on having as my maid of honour, but I persevered. But when I got pregnant I reached out to her and we managed to start up the friendship again. However, I’ve been guarding myself, because I’ve already been hurt. But things seemed to be going okay.

A few things have happened recently involving her husband and I don’t know how to proceed. I don’t expect her to take my side in all this, to do so would mean not taking his side. And I don’t even want there to be sides. But there are. And no matter how I look at things, the only possible outcome I see is more hurt.

Full House

My house is quiet again and it is so nice. Two weekends ago my parents visited for a few days. Then last Monday Kyle’s parents came for a visit. They left Thursday morning, and Thursday night brought Kyle’s brother for a few days. It was really nice for them all to visit, but I hope they space it out a little more next time. I am all visited out. I got lazy after Shawn (Kyle’s brother) left and haven’t bothered washing the spare bed linens yet. I will, just not yet (maybe later today. I want to wash our bedding so I might just do them all at the same time).

One downside to having visitors is that my diet kind of got put on the back burner. But while the numbers on the scale have gone back up, it was only 3 pounds, so I’m not stressing out about it. However, I am planning on taking the little man put for a walk today to get me some exercise.

holy crap, I’m updating!

Wow, I just realized it has been a very very long time since I last posted here. I’ve really had nothing to say lately, so I guess that’s why. Xander finished his first year of school (well, preschool) in mid June, so we’ve basically just been hanging out together since then. Honestly, I don’t know where the summer has gone. Somehow it suddenly became August, and I feel like I haven’t done any of the stuff I was thinking of doing this summer. A few more weeks and Xander starts Kindergarten, and he’s going full days. So I will start going back to work more. It will be an interesting change, and parts of me are feeling a little anxious about it all, but I’m trying to focus on the positives.

Weight loss is still going slow. I’ve almost lost 30 pounds now. I’m just trying to get past this little plateau I’ve encountered. But I’m getting there. I just need to stay on track; I get off track more than I like to admit. But at least being on track 2/3 of the day is better than nothing. So there you go. Best news though is that I can put on the skirt that I’ve been calling my “goal skirt.” It now fits over my hips and I can do it up. It’s still tight, but I can put it on and breathe while wearing it, so that’s a big accomplishment for me.

The past and upcoming weeks are a little more exciting than usual though. My parents were here this past weekend, Monday brings Kyle’s parents until Thursday morning, and then Thursday night Kyle’s brother comes for a visit. So we shall be busy for a little bit. This will be a nice break, but I’m sure I’ll be ready for a quiet house next Sunday.

One last little tidbit … for some reason when Xander has a juicebox he pulls up the tabs on the side. No idea why. My kid is weird. But awesome.

weight loss update

It’s been a few months since I really started trying to lose weight, so I figured it was time for an update. So far I’ve managed to lose almost 20 pounds. Some days it feels like it, and other days it doesn’t. The nice thing though is that my clothes from last summer fit … unlike most times when I packed on the pounds over the winter and had problems come spring time.

I’m still struggling with cravings, and making the right choices all the time. Sometimes I just have to give in. But I try not to have that happen too often. And I enjoy baking too much some days. It’s deliciously frustrating.

However. I’m a few pounds away from reaching another 10 lb bracket. And that’s keeping me a little more focused.

And that’s where I’m at thus far. And now it’s summer, and we have plans to walk a lot this year. There’s a wonderful new path by our house that is perfect for walks, or biking. And we’ve got geocaching too (we are nerds).